We left off with me buying my first LSAT books. I was excited to start studying, I knew nothing about what was on the LSATs but I knew that a good score meant acceptance and scholarships. I won’t bore you with the details, studying was pretty grueling and not often fun but I did learn a lot. I took the test twice and ended up with basically the same score, which was not as high as my practice tests. Test anxiety is real, and boy do I have it. I would feel great the night before the test and even right up until the start of the test but as soon as the proctors said to begin, it’s like everything I learned went out the window and I was just a mad woman flying through the test. Luckily for me, even taking the test like a lunatic landed me a decent score. I then got all of my paperwork together and applied to five schools. I then got into those five schools with scholarships to 4. It still seems surreal, and I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop; for those schools to email saying haha, just kidding you aren’t actually smart enough to study here. I genuinely applied to five schools hoping that at least one would take me. I never expected to get into all five.
I have made my decision and paid my deposit for my law school of choice. For a week I was wracked with worry that I made the wrong choice, it’s a really big decision. However I am back to being excited to start my studies and feel confident that the school I chose will be the best for me. I believe it will challenge me and provide me the best hands on practical learning/work experiences.
So, what have I learned from all this? Genuinely I feel a bit of a fool; I suffered for so long on my own convincing myself that I just needed to buck up. Anxiety/depression is like that though, makes you feel you’re unworthy of everything. Unworthy of even claiming to have the illness that is currently destroying your life. If that sounds like you, daily berating yourself for feeling depressed or anxious when you are surrounded by a seemingly wonderful life, please get help. Life is not a pissing contest, sure there are people out there that have it worse than you, but that does not mean you don’t deserve help.
It’s crazy to think that a little over a year ago I was in my therapists office declaring that I was going to law school, and now I’m just 59 days away from my first day of class.