Holidays, Life, The Neurotic Life, Vacation

Vacation with a side of anxiety

I suffer from anxiety. I can’t remember not ever having anxiety, it pretty much follows me around daily. However most days I can keep it at bay, and working out is a great way to squash those anxious feelings. However when it comes to vacations my anxiety runs rampant like Genghis Khan in his heyday. I do my best to keep it together but the physical symptoms are hard to ignore and so for the next week until that cabin door is securely sealed on my Virgin Atlantic flight across the pond I will be a wreck. Right now it’s just an all around feeling of malaise ; I feel off, not much of an appetite, headache, dizzy, lethargic etc. As departure date gets closer it will turn into full blown panic, complete with nausea, insomnia and possible vomiting. 

I worry about my cats. We have people to stop in and take care of them while we’re gone but I’m one of those people that is convinced if I don’t do it myself it’s going to be done wrong and the end of the world will be upon us. Add control freak to list of neurosis. Not being there, being out of control of the situation makes me anxious like no other. What if there is a fire? What if someone doesn’t close the door and they escape? What if they escape and get hit by a car? What if there is a tornado? What if there is a serial cat napper on the loose? The list goes on and on. 

I also worry about work. Again control issues. If I travel domestically it’s a little better because I have my phone and get my work emails on my phone and for the most part am in the same time zone so I can deal with any emergency that may come up. Being in other countries hours and hours apart? Ugh, it is so hard to deal. Which is why I’ll be bringing my work laptop with me because just allow me the peace of mind. And making sure my phone works too. I need my technology JUST IN CASE. It’s like a security blanket. 

You’re probably thinking, hey crazy lady get thee to a doctor and get some Xanax for Christ’s sake. I hear ya, and I’ve thought about it but I really really don’t want to be on meds unless my ability to function day to day is impaired. Does it suck feeling nauseated 24/7 before vacations? Sure. Am I still able to completely and fully do my job without any issues? Yes. So until that day comes, when I can’t get out of bed or my job performance suffers due to my anxiety, I will just keep dealing with it on my own the best way I know how. Exercise and booze.

Probably not FDA recommended.

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